Waiting for Life

The other day I was in a class and the teacher said, "Why do we procrastinate?" And I, always trying to be funny, whispered to the guy next to me, "Can I get back to you on that?" It made him laugh - but I didn't answer the question.

You see, I'm not really sure what's wrong with me. But I have this problem. I put things off. I do. And it bugs me. Here's the thing too, it's not just big things, or things I don't want to do, but everything. I put everything off. Not sure why.

I can be with someone I really love, and think of something kind I want to say - something about how they look, or what they mean to me, or something they've done for me... but I don't say it. It just seems like the wrong time, or place, or mood. I can be bored out of my mind, and think of something that needs to be done, something I really like, but I won't do it. Seems like the wrong time, or I'm afraid I'll get caught up in it and won't want to stop. So I leave it undone.

Autumn is my favorite time of year. I love it. I've watched the leaves change color for weeks now. I've watched the deep green turn to a light yellow, then to a bright orange, to a deep red, and now to a dull brown. I've watched it and thought "I should go up there. Take a drive. Really enjoy the beauty." But have I? No. 'Cause I put things off. I've missed my most favorite time of year because I can't seem to do things when they need to be done.

I don't think I have any kind of disorder. In fact most folks around me probably think I'm pretty on top of things. But for me, it seems that I let the big things go by. Really bugs me.

Why do I do it?

I'm not sure.

Can I get back to you?